Telecommuter Discrimination?

Okay, so I read this job description today that is the perfect job for me because I am a feisty, zesty, on the verge kind of writer. Only they want people close enough to commute to their office. I won’t name the company…. yet. I sent them messages through whatever means I could find to ask them if I could send a life sized cardboard cutout of me to their office and telecommute. This worked very well on a vacation with friends to Seattle. I’m waiting for a response.

It would save them office space and I wouldn’t eat their snacks or take anyone else’s lunch or make anyone’s screensaver Justin Bieber or anything.

It will be interesting to see if they are willing to take the chance that someone CAN do a kickass job with Skype and other means if they have the skills. And if they don’t? Eh, I won’t out them. I’ll just wait for the right place… is it yours?

Change of Plans

I was going to post my pro-Oxford comma diatribe here, but instead I decided to just throw a few things out that I’ve been thinking about lately.

I love my book club, but I need to find a club that will read anything. And by anything I mean post-apocalyptic flesh eating zombies without southern accents… or something like that.

Teenagers are NEVER happy. Just FYI. If they’re happy, they’re planning something.

In Michigan, if you can’t say vagina, what do you call it? I am not going with vajayjay, hoo hoo, peach, secret garden, or any of the many choices afforded by an ill advised Urban Dictionary search.

Why don’t I have minions? I could totally use some and I’d be a great Evil Genius.

If it’s new and tech and obsolete within 24 hours, I want it.

Where are you, client who wants to pay me to talk about stuff like this?

Free books are usually free for a reason.

Fifty Shades of Grey is softcore porn. Get over it. The writing is bad and the story, between sex scenes in which the woman is always willing and never burdened with not being in the mood, is basically a Lifetime movie.

I want to learn coding. I know nothing about it. I know a very little bit of HTML, just enough to break stuff.

When you know what you’re talking about, why do people persist in doing things another way? Is it just karma so you can say, “I told you to do it my way”?

I once stood on a table between two 6 foot tall schizophrenics and told them to shut up. I used an expletive, but I’m being polite. Oh, and they shut up.

Boys are stupid. Evidence: I came home today to find one of my sons covered in mud for no apparent reason. And when I say “covered”, I mean purposely covered in it. And he’s fifteen.

If you have any answers, let me know.

Warning: This Post May Contain Irony

Isn’t it Ironic?

Last week, a writer friend posted a question about irony on his timeline. As I often do, I decided to try to figure out the answer and provided several posts regarding the subject and links and basically the conclusion that his sentence was not, in fact, ironic. His response was to delete the post and send me a message that he didn’t know what he had done to piss me off. You see, it was ironic that he wasn’t really asking about irony, but I interpreted it as a real question and replied as though it was.

Irony is one of the most vexing concepts to grasp because it is dependent both on the person speaking or writing and on the perception of the person on the receiving end of the idea. Irony basically means that something is the opposite of what you expect or what the writer or speaker meant. Very often, sarcasm and coincidence are mistaken for irony.

Interestingly, Alanis Morrisette gave several examples in her song “Ironic” that were not irony at all. Rain on your wedding day is not ironic. It is a crappy coincidence. A free ride when y0u’ve already paid? Just bad timing. An old man turned ninety-eight, won the lottery and died the next day? A morbid coincidence.  A black fly in your chardonnay is just gross. Need I go on?

The ultimate irony of the song “Ironic” is that it is ironic because it contains no irony. Still confused? You are in good company. In fact, there is a website called Is It Ironic? that allows website visitors to vote on submissions and whether or not they are are actually ironic. None of the examples that I have seen have received a 100% vote in one clear direction, and many are 50/50.

By now, you may like an actual example of irony. Try this: A man looks out the window and sees that is raining heavily and the sidewalks and streets are flooded and muddy and says, “what a lovely day for a walk.” His remark is ironic because what he is looking at suggests the opposite. Unless… he happens to own a new pair of waders and loves walking in the rain and mud. Then it is not.

So, is it ironic that irony is so difficult to define? No, unfortunately it is just vexing.